I went crazy last night...

Last night, I was suffering from a psychological nervous system breakdown or whatever you call it..I was telling justin that I'm going crazy and I might suffer from depression..

Well..you see...when we got home last night, I started throwing things around in the house and Justin was really shocked...I started screaming and stuff...Then I took a super long shower and I came out..telling Justin I wanted to sleep.

Then we said a prayer and I started crying at the end of the prayer. Justin was really really shocked to see me like that. I was crying because I felt Christ and Heavenly Father's Love for me in my heart.

I felt so empty for the past few days...like I'm so lonely, like nobody loves me...I felt like everyone doesn't care for me...nobody cares for me.....................nobody........but at the end of the prayer, I felt that I'm still being loved by our Heavenly Father. No matter what I do, He'll always loves me....

So Justin started to console me and I asked him lots of weird questions like "Is it true that everyone hates me?" and he was like "NO!!!" I even asked him "Does he loves me?" I was really going crazy with all these thoughts in my mind. Justin said my brain is controlling me and he thinks I'm really going crazy. I started to lie down on the floor, looking like someone from woodbridge hospital. He lied down beside me too, telling me that everybody loves me and my family still loves me and Keshia loves me because she's so fierce last night, telling him to pick me up (haha!) etc etc... I felt so much comforted after hearing all these. I'm a woman after all, I need encouragement and praises at all time to give me more confidence with myself. I was throwing things around because I wanted his attention. Seriously, my mentality wasn't in the right place last night..

After a long good sleep, I'm feeling much better now. I guess it might be because I haven't had any good sleep for the past few nights and my brain is suffering from some breakdown or what. Well, I'm not siao lah...but it will just happen sometimes and I always need Justin to comfort me and to cool me down. I think this is normal in human beings.

I'm excited that Justin, me and Keshia are watching Dance Evolution at the SCERA theatre in OREM tomorrow. It's a combination of ballroom, jazz, and hiphop. I'm so looking forward to it. I just love DANCE! I'm also happy that I could use this to write my jazz dance critic paper, yeah! I hope this brand new week will be a happier week for me. Last week was too sad for me to remember..........so if you see me in school or wherever next time, hug me and tell me you love me, that would really help! I'm serious! Isn't this what our VT message for this month? Be the instruments in God's Hands! We would never knew that simple things we've done would help others. My VT came by just now and told me that she's always very happy to see me because I'm always looking so happy. I never knew that my smile and happiness would make her feel better. I'm so glad that I've done that. Actually, I don't know why people always tell me that I always look happy. Really? But I'm not happy all the time........?

However, I'm happy that I could write all my feelings down in my blog....Thanks for "listening" to me, my dear blog... I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO READ MY BLOG! :D

This is for Clarissa and whoever doesn't know what's the situation...

Clarissa, you might not know. I'm always the one who chereographed the dance for every year's Asian Festival performance for the Singaporeans, but I couldn't do it this year due to my conflict with my Theatre performance so last minute, a few Singaporeans prepared something lah. I was okay that I'm not involved with this year's performance, I felt I'm tired too so I'm glad they could perform something, but the big deal is I was very upset that I couldn't sit down in the audience and watch them esp. my husband is involved in it. You get what I mean? My LAO GONG is in the show and I want to watch HIM!!!!

Then this "guy" just come and tell me just to let the younger generation do it and he sounded like he's asking me to let go like that..and there are other talented people besides me...He sounded like I should retire... But I love performing..I'm always a performer, I just love dancing on the stage. I don't mind dancing again every year and I didn't understand why he said that to me, so MEAN!!!! Like really asking me to retire and give up...and they could also do a good job without my help, you know? Maybe you will say i'm sensitive, but you didn't see how and the way he said it...like bo chup like that..i just stood there looking so stupid..he was like trying to find excuses..and then came up with "Er...YOU'RE MARRIED, BUT I'M NOT!!!" Then he ran away.... I tell you ah...I always see him with different girls all the time, so flirty...buey tahan!!!

So I'm really old generation because I'M MARRIED????????????????? Hey, my heart is still young lor... Both Justin and I are still fun people lor...simi old generation? Freaking idiot leh... He talked without using his brain...Oh bi kuait to him who sprained his neck when dancing!!!! Serve him right!!! Who asked him to say me until like that! I'm so glad that Su chose Rendy over him. Rendy is like 10 times better!

Anyway, I'm feeling better lah..just treated him as a kid who's taking nonsense....i'm not old generation, I'm just more mature than him!!!!!